The exposureof my personal life and experience for the consumption of the public readers isnot what I am used to; I would describe myself to be very reserved in what Ichoose to touch upon. The main reason as to why I am very hesitant in puttingout my experiences is because my actions, even if it’s something I have nocontrol over, has always come under scrutiny no matter who it is. I clearlyrecall myself in primary school, walking towards my two friends, as I gotcloser I noticed both their arms were interlocked as they walked awaysniggering whilst looking back. My initial reaction was to walk behind them asI thought they may not have seen me at first. I then stopped in my tracks whenone of my girls said “Stop following us!” I was shocked as my heart sank thereand then.
Before anyone could see me standing and walking around alone, Iremember sprinting to the library, where no one was, so I could hide away fromthe inquisitive eyes of people. I went home that day thinking about what I mayhave said in the past that made my friends turn away from me, or even how I canchange myself so that I can be a better person to be friends with. This is my earliest memory of nit-picking atmy actions and trying to change who I was to appeal to others. This wasfollowed on by the next in school, a close classmate had told me that thereason my two friends abandoned me was because I was not like them and I didnot fit in with their image because I am Bangladeshi; I’m not from Pakistanlike my friends. This was very concerning to me since from a young age I havealways been taught about my culture and not to shy away from it, I asked myclassmate to come along with me and tell the teacher.
However, she declined totag along because she did not want the main ‘leader’ of the friendship groupknowing what she had reported back to me. Other girls’ voices within thefriendship group were consequently hushed and at times even silenced dependingon their position within the group, sometimes under the instruction of the’popular girl leader’. (R. George, 2007).
I agree with this as I haveexperienced the power discourse within the playground between girls, howeveranother thought that comes to mind is that the process of ‘othering’ could nothave just come about into these kids’ minds. We believe that a child’s firstbase in terms of interactions is within the family context and our socialidentities are constructed through construction with others- as humans we havethe ability to reflect and change in accordance to these social exchanges(Herbert-Mead, 1934). Mead’s works have shown that we may change our imagebased on our interactions in regards to these interactions- also known as thelooking glass self.